How to Help a Loved One through Mental Illness
If you are like us, you have loved ones in your life who struggle with a mental illness of some kind. It can sometimes be difficult for us to know how to be helpful. How can we be attentive and caring, without being intrusive to someone’s personal or mental space? There is a delicate line between caring for your loved one and pushing the limit with too many questions or comments about what they might be struggling with. Navigating this balance can sometimes cause stress between you and your loved one. What is intended as care or concern may seem like nosiness or pushiness to the friend or family member that you are trying to help. The solution is patience, understanding, and communication. Different things may be needed from you at different times, so ask your loved one’s needs are in that moment. Usually, your loved one will need one of three basic things: to talk about the issue, a distraction from it, or to be respected in their need for space.
1. Talk It Out
If your loved one clearly expresses that they need to talk through what they are dealing with, you can discuss some options with them to find out the best way to do this. Do they need to sit and talk with someone they are comfortable with, or would they want to consider speaking with an understanding professional to gain deeper insight? Perhaps they would be open to a conversation, but at a later time, when they are mentally prepared for a discussion. Try to avoid continuous or pointed questions in order to create an environment where they can speak as much or as little as they are comfortable with in that moment. No matter the situation, a conversation about your loved one’s mental illness is not always an easy one, so try to provide a calm, non-judgmental space where they can be open with how they are feeling.
2. Positive Distractions
Sometimes, your loved one may need to direct their thoughts to a different, more positive place for a period of time. A moment to not think about what they are going through can be helpful. Something you can do is find comforting, positive activities that your loved one enjoys, and provide an environment where they can focus their mind to a more positive place (at least for a short amount of time.) Your job at this time is to not ask about any of the things they are going through. Instead, talk about other things they find interesting, or focus on the activity at hand. This may seem like avoiding a problem, but if you give your loved one the freedom to momentarily redirect their thoughts elsewhere when becoming overwhelmed, they will be better able to discuss the issue when they are in a more positive mental space.
3. Give Space*
We understand that if you are concerned about your friend or family member, it is natural to be on high alert as to what you can be actively doing to help them in their struggle. Some people may need space and freedom to think on the issue at hand. In these times, although we may want to push for a conversation or time together, your loved one needs to be respected enough to be left alone. Do not be afraid to ask them if this is something that would be beneficial. For some, solitude is avoided at all costs, but for others, this can be a vital time of healing and a necessary component to reestablish a healthy mindset.
Determining the balance of how to best help your loved one can be like walking a tightrope, but if you cover their basic needs first, the rest will come easier. Calmly asking your loved one which of these three options is preferred will show them that you are there to care for them in whatever way they may need (whether that is by providing community or allowing them time alone) and will give them the freedom to express their needs to you, without feeling pressured into a situation that they are not mentally prepared for. When asking them what their preference is, respect the answer and understand that their needs can change. Give them the space to be open with you, without pushing or pressuring them, and your loved one will be thankful for your care and understanding.
**If your loved one is showing signs that they are experiencing thoughts of self-harm, or if they have had such tendencies in the past, please be cautious and discerning with the time that they are being left by themselves and if needed, seek professional help.
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