Gender and Sexuality part 2: Sexual Orientation
Individuals may notice that after coming out to a friend or family member, their orientation is often labeled as a “phase” and/or dismissed. This is not only hurtful but undermines the constructive progress being made to normalize diverse sexual identities. In this blog, we will discuss your sexual identity and how to respond to those who may not accept you, as well as discuss support options for those in the LGBTQIA+ community.
Not a Phase & Not a Choice
It is very important to note that regardless of your sexual orientation, this aspect of your life is not a personal choice. Your sexual preference is based on attraction, which is a biological response in the brain that is not manually controlled. Sexual attraction stems from the hypothalamus in the brain [1], which works with the autonomic nervous system in the body. [2] The autonomic nervous system controls things that we do not (and often cannot) exert conscious control over.[3] Therefore, the concept of sexual preference being a choice or a phase does not have biological support. You can choose who you date, but you cannot choose who you are attracted to. This is why when an individual’s sexual orientation is questioned or invalidated by labeling it as a passing movement that will fade over time, it is not only harmful to one’s self-esteem but also factually and biologically incorrect. Sexual preference can change over an individual’s life, but it is not by conscious choice.
Affirmative Therapy
Affirmative therapy may be a helpful option if negative feedback from others regarding your sexual orientation is affecting your life. This therapy option is defined as, “A type of psychotherapy used to validate and advocate for the needs of sexual and gender minority clients. Therapists use verbal and nonverbal means to demonstrate an affirming stance toward lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQIA+) clients.” [4] This type of therapy can help support and reinforce the validity of your sexual orientation, and reinforces the idea that it deserves the same care, representation, and respect that heterosexual or cisgender individuals receive.
Regardless of your sexual preference, you deserve to be treated with respect. If you have encountered a situation where your sexual identity is not being respected or taken seriously, this does not make your sexuality any less valid. Some may not understand or accept your sexuality and this stance typically stems from homophobia, generational bias, or religious partiality, and although these opinions can be incredibly damaging and hurtful (especially coming from a loved one), know that there are others who understand you and support you regardless of your sexual orientation.
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